values

Just because you verbalize your values doesn't mean you have the strength enough to follow through with them.

 So we have to be careful when we say our values align with another person's values because if one party or the other does not have strength to follow through or be consistent with their values and it's meaningless.

Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.

Nothing that is worth having in life is easy to get.

Kurt Vonnegut once said when he writes, he feels like a arm-less leg-less man with a crayon in his mouth.

Talent is given, greatness is earned...

Take responsibility and change your life

The chapters of my life...

Chapter I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in... it's a habit... but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter V
I walk down another street.
Wayne Dyer Quote from Portia Nelson

taken from:

Bangkok- Dr. Wayne Dyer's Mastermind Study Group Message Board ›

Putting problems into perspective

“If all our misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be content to take their own and depart.”
-Socrates

Credit to Gary John Bishop

UPDATE: A lesson in observation...and persistence

My 4 year old daughter loves the kiddie pool at the Y (YMCA) and we go there as much as possible as it allows her to socialize with other kids and get in some exercise. After wading around a bit she decided she would play with the little rubber ducks that are there for the kids entertainment. At this particular pool rubber ducks are provided in the pool and allowed to float around for the kids to play with- or throw at each other...but obviously that behavior is frowned upon in this particular establishment. Many kids have found creative things to do with the ducks but most of the time they are just ignored (especially by the male patrons) and allowed to float around aimlessly. Doomed to a life of visual enjoyment only. On this day the ducks were poised to be a catalyst for human behavior. But I digress. My daughter was gathering the ducks and setting them up alongside the pool, stacking them in the center of each tile that lined the deck on the outside of the pool. After stacking a few she would return to the water to gather up some more and continue to place them on the tiles. Before long she started to get a modest accumulation of the little guys all lined up on one section of the pool. Seeing this, some boys, possibly ages 8 & 9,  came along and decided to sweep them off of the side of the pool and back into the water. My daughter mildly protested and then collected up more ducks and continued on with her project. Each time, the boys would come back and push the ducks back into the water. Three or four consecutive times I stood by and observed, allowing the whole situation to unfold (dirty looks don't count). It was an interesting observation in human nature. But, she kept free building. Ignoring them. Rebuilding and rebuilding each time. Pretty soon her positive activities attracted some helpful bystanders who assisted in gathering the ducks up with her and giving them to her, so that she could set more up. Just as they had done before, the boys came back when they saw she was being helped. And just as they had done before, they destroyed it again. My daughter kept rebuilding which seemed to attract even more positive energy and even more kids that helped her get the ducks and set them on the tiles. A third time the seemingly envious boys came back and destroyed the duck creation. After the boys went away this time, I went over to her and I told her how much I appreciated and admired her persistence and that I was also proud of how she kept rebuilding. 
Then, a very interesting shift in the pattern started to occur. The destructive kids came over and started to help to gather up the ducks too. The boys were collecting them up, handing them to her so that she could complete her project. Before long, all of the kids were helping and giving the ducks to my 4 year old daughter. It was a very interesting dynamic that occurred and unfolded before me. 

    I think one of the biggest lessons here is when someone decides to build something and make something new there will always be people that will be jealous and want to destroy it- it's just human nature. But the important thing is to just keep fighting.... keep persisting... keep building and rebuilding. Even with the destructive nature of other humans. Many times the positive energy of building and rebuilding attracts other people who want to be helpful. A very interesting lesson. 

    The additional lesson that we could all benefit from here as parents, is the subtle art of observation and restraint. Sometimes its okay to allow the natural consequences of life to unfold with our children. When they learn through their own experience they gain an understanding of the world that is much more powerful than simply being told what to do and what not to do. In other words, we don't always have to save or rescue our children from the negative things in life. Sometimes those experiences are helpful. I believe that my daughter learned a very powerful lesson that day. Persistence. And she also learned that if she goes about her business in a positive way with positive intentions that she can potentially attract others into her life that will help her with her intentions. My daughter had an intention that day. To build a row of ducks. She saw it in her mind before it was ever complete. With her intention she manifested her goal. 

    After my daughter had almost all the ducks set up and lined up the way she wanted them, she was done. she waded away and went to play in another part of the pool. The Ducks remained there and the positive energy and persistence seemed to come off on to the others. She came back a few minutes later, ducks still there, and decided that she would sweep the ducks into the water herself. She was proud of what she had created. I was proud of how she got it accomplished.

Take a Road Trip

As kids move through their teen years, it is, of course, normal for them to become more independent.  This is usually most obvious in how much time the DON'T want to spend with you - ha ha.  It's kinda hard to not take it personally sometimes.  But you have to remind yourself that you did the same thing at that age.

My mother told me that some of her favorite times with us teenagers was while driving in the car.  She always said there was something disarming about everyone looking out the window, and chatting.  I did not remember this until a recent great conversation with my 17-year old daughter.

She is active at school, also with outside activities and has a boyfriend. There's been a little friction lately as she is not around much.  Conversations were short and often mildly agitated.  Then, we got stuck in traffic one afternoon, and that caused us to break from the routine conversation.  The extended time allowed us to go a little deeper in our talk.  It was great.

Shortly after that, we took a road trip to visit a college.  This meant many hours in a car.  But i have to confirm what my mother had said.  This facilitated many in-depth discussions across many aspects of life.  It felt almost like we started over.

And even though life went back to the busy routine, she and I had bonded in a new way that has continued over the past two months.

Take a road trip, or try to engage with your teen while driving.  I bet you you have a similar experience.

Structure = Simple

One of the toughest parts after a divorce is moving to a new "normal" with regard to your children living at two houses.  Everything is different, and will be an adjustment for everyone.  After the initial process of getting settled in, the kids will notice the different parenting styles and expectations at each house.

I received excellent advice on this topic.

One of the differences between myself and my ex-wife was clearly in the department of discipline.  Not punishment, but rather, structure and how a home should run.  These differences came to light rather quickly, and was reflected in the behavior of the kids.

Mom was much more lenient (read: fun) while dad developed a routine (read: not fun).  But I was encouraged to establish this quickly, and stick to it, and the payoff would be soon, and easy.
Well, it did not start out easy when the kids resisted, or made comments about staying up later at mom's.  Sometime's even lamenting it was  better over there.  That hurts, right?  I'm here to convince you to stay the course - it will be worth it.

The truth is, kids crave structure and routine (despite what they say).  It gives them security and comfort knowing what to expect.  They will be calmer and sleep better.  Soon they know it is time to get into pajamas, brush teeth, etc. If clothes are always picked out the night before, mornings are peaceful and easy.

This is where you want to be.  Well-rested kids who know what the household expectations are.  Resist the temptation to let them stay up late (you're feeling guilty, but guilt is for something you have done wrong - not applicable here).

It was not long before my house was running like a well-oiled machine.  Interestingly enough, I would hear about all the morning chaos at mom's, or all the drama about going to bed at night.  The ex-wife chose no structure, and had problems.  And miraculously, at my house, there was none of that.  Same kids - totally different behavior because of the environment.

I think you intrinsically know this.  I did deep down too, but I needed the repeated encouragement to stay on track.  So, stay on track!  A little effort now will avoid long-term friction.